While self-aggrandizing idiot martyr Elly and wooden-headed and prideful man-child John are woefully inept in the face of life’s challenges as individuals, it’s quite clear that together, they are far more inept than they would be as two separate imbeciles. This is because they share a mental quirk that allows them to plumb new depths in antisocial stupidity:
Axiom 3a:
1) Any event that might subject John and Elly to public censure cannot, despite clear evidence otherwise, be said to be their fault.
2) Any event that might reflect well on them is, despite clear evidence otherwise, always the result of their own actions.
This is why they look for any excuse possible to pass the buck when they do something stupid like break into houses to get potties or leave gates unlatched while they’re the first to award themselves credit for academic success that occurs despite them. This need to make the who farted face when it’s pointed out that a parent is directly answerable should a child do something antisocial leads us to another irritating habit of mind that the Pattersons have that makes them horrible people.
The best example of this irritating tendency occurred in 1979 when John hauled off and spanked Mike’s ass raw in order to teach him not to use violence. If he had not, John assumed that Mike would be a brute who didn’t respect people. The problem is that all John did is teach Mike that strength is the only virtue there is. This means that we’re dealing with:
Axiom 3b:
1) John and Elly seem to believe that they’re engaged in a battle of death with their passive, tractable children who, for reasons that are horrible, are seen as having an almost superhuman power of naughtiness and rebelliion that will undo their parents’ attempt to impose order.
2) John and Elly falsely believe themselves to be teaching their children right from wrong when all they’re actually doing is teaching them that power and status are the only things that matter in life.
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