John’s morality axioms

As one might expect with someone with John’s narrow mind and impoverished imagination, we’re clearly dealing with a man who isn’t especially fond of brooding over a stupid decision. While Elly and Mike agonize over the dumb choices they don’t want to admit they don’t have to make, John clearly loves laying down the law and not worrying about pointless concerns like ‘context’, ‘nuance’ and ‘knowing what the fuck is actually happening’ when imposing his stupid decrees. The best example of this idiotic tendency towards rushed, arbitrary judgments is when Mike missed an exit like a normal human being and the stupid dodo John started braying about how Mike HAD to be punished for risking a God-damned material object that wasn’t even damaged at all. We saw a pathetic dildo imposing a ludicrous punishment on a child because said beefwit was scared and didn’t like it. John sees himself as being a firm and clear-headed authority figure. This leads us to have to remember

Axiom 2g:
John hates spending a lot of time when making decisions because he confuses blindly rushing to judgment based on imperfect information with having firm moral character.

What he also hates when laying down the law is actually listening to the self-serving gibberish he pushes past his lips. Not for nothing does he hang out with that Ted “King of Bedside Manor” McCaulay of the wandering eye and need to objectfy women. Ted’s the only person on Earth who’ll agree that Elly doesn’t need to be taken seriously and if anything, he’s rather too lenient with his kids. After all, he does them the favour of feeding them, clothing them and putting a roof over their heads so he should get stuff in return. Other people who want him to lose so much, he gets tired of losing make hateful noise about his owing society a solid citizen but they don’t get that

Axiom 2h:
John believes in and has imposed on the family a favor bank system of morality wherein generosity takes second place to his insatiable self-interest.

We also have to contend with the fact that he convinces himself that his children are clearly malingering when they prove incompetent at the insane tasks he likes to set them. This leaves us with the spectacle of a man who, having convinced himself that he did far more around the house than he actually did or was actually possible, stands around like a big fucking idiot bellowing about Michael having a poor work ethic and bad attitude because the boy cannot after all do the work of a grown man without, say, DYING OF EXHAUSTION. This leads us to the final axiom that describes John as a person:

Axiom 2i:
1) John believes himself to be a far better person than he actually was.
2) This leads him to upbraid his children for not following his insane and fictitious example.